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the enforcers

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WHO: The Dark Hand Enforcers and anyone running into a trio of weirdos.
WHAT: Finding out they've been abducted and turned into weird creatures. So, Tuesday for them.
WHEN: First day.
WHERE: Out in the cold.
WARNINGS: Probable language, but likely not much else.

[What do most people do when they wake up in an unfamiliar place, as something they weren't a moment ago? Probably scream and panic. But no, that's not what the Enforcers do. In fact, at first none of them say a word, just looking each other over and noting the extreme variation in what they've become. That is, until the cold settles in and Finn realizes that he feels colder than he ever has before, even in the arctic.]

Brrr-rr-rr-rr! G-guys, i-is it just me, or are we in the d-d-deep freeze of o-our lives?

[The other two share a glance before Chow shrugs and adjusts his sunglasses.]

Kinda chilly, but I wouldn't say it's a deep freeze. Sure ya didn't just get yer feathers wet flopped in the snow?

I dunno, I wouldn't go as far as Finn, but it is pretty cold out here. Maybe we oughta find somewhere outta the snow so's we can warm up.

Seconded, motion p-p-passed, come on you l-losers, w-w-we're findin' a cave or s-s-something.

[And so the trio heads out, a Murkrow and Shiny Rattata huddled together for warmth while an all black Combusken follows behind, shaking his head. A cave shouldn't be hard to find, right? And the odds of them stumbling over something (or someone) to delay their search are practically nill! ...Right?]

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You wanna fall on that stumpy tail'a yers? Keep squirmin'.

It's not stumpy!

[ Not that he's defending the tail itself, per se. It's just his default reaction to the allegation that any part of him might be less than perfect. ]

P-put me down, damn it, I am a grown man - !

[ Coming from a tiny squirming snake dangling a foot off the ground, this assertion might sound just slightly ridiculous. ]

Edited 2016-02-27 06:31 (UTC)

Language, Valmont.

[Yes, he is fully aware of the hypocrisy. He's not even really chiding, it's clear he's just being a brat. But that's Chow for you. He does, at least, put Valmont down.]

And settle, I was just helpin' ya outta that ditch ya dug yerself.

[ The irony isn't lost on Valmont, a fact which, of course, infuriates him even further. His struggling intensifies as he sputters: ]

Shut up - !

[ - Oh. Well. And suddenly here he is, back on solid (if snowy) ground. It's... possible, in hindsight, that not all those hysterics may have been entirely warranted. ]

...I knew that.

[ This is where he would normally straighten his tie, brush himself off and pretend he wasn't just making a complete fool of himself. He has to content himself with the latter two, but he does them with admirable dedication. ]

[Guess who's snickering shamelessly? Sorry, he remembers that flailing and making a fool of yourself.]

Sure ya did. An' that's why ya were squirmin' like I lit yer tail on fire, right?

[Hope you weren't looking to Ratso for help with your dignity, Valmont. He's pretty clearly trying not to laugh.]

[ No he doesn't, he definitely doesn't remember anything, shut up. ]

Now s-see here, just b-because you don't think you work for me anymore does not give you c-carte blanche to make fun of me whenever you f-feel like it!

[ That's directed at both of you, Ratso. It's... also conveniently not any sort of denial, whoops. ]

[Holding his paws up like he has no clue why you're looking at him. Though he can't quite keep his face straight.]

I didn't say nothin'.

Like we didn't poke fun at ya now an' then while we were workin' fer ya.

[ Ratso's just going to get a flat stare in return. You're on thin ice, mister. So to speak. ]

As I recall, you had the d-decency to be s-s-slightly less overt about it.

[ But only slightly. ]

Aww c'mon Valmont, have a sense'a humor!

Actually, shouldn't we be workin' on that landmark for Finn?

I have a f-fantastic sense of humor, thank you, I just t-tend to employ it on things that are actually funny.

And yes, you should, sh-shouldn't you. Back to work, chop chop.

[ It's remarkable how strong Valmont's work ethic is when it isn't actually him doing any of the work. ]

A sense'a humor ain't worth much if ya can't laugh at yerself sometimes too.

[He says this even while he turns around and gets back to work on piling that snow. At least he's found something to do other than complain?]

Aww, leave 'im be, Chow. He's probably kinda upset about suddenly bein' short.

[Ratso certainly seems to be sulking a bit about being in that boat, at least.]

[ Well, uh. It's not that he doesn't appreciate Ratso's attempt to defend him, but - ]

I beg your pardon, I am n-not short!

[ All right, so he has been getting the feeling he's a bit closer to the ground than normal, but it's not like he's come across any benchmarks with which to make a proper comparison except for snow and more snow. Maybe he's regular height and Chow's just a freakishly tall bird? That's definitely what's happening here, probably. ]

Not as short as you could'a ended up...

Then how come ya were havin' so much trouble gettin' outta a ditch ya paced yerself in the snow?

B-because I'm not used to this body's proportions, th-that's all! And I would have got out just f-fine on my own, if s-s-some people hadn't decided to interfere.

[ No he wouldn't. ]

Oh? Ya wanna hop back in there an' prove it, then?

Come on Chow, quit teasin' 'im.

[Since if Valmont's short, what does that make the guy who's half his size?]

No.

[ The reply comes a little too quickly. He's not going back in there, are you kidding. He does, however, give a nod in Ratso's direction at that last comment. At least someone here has their priorities straight. ]

Brilliant s-s-suggestion, thank you. If y-you'd put as much effort into b-building this snow pile as into making f-fun of me, I'm s-s-sure you'd be done by now.

[ The question of how one can tell when exactly one's done building a pile of snow remains unasked. ]

Already gave ya advice if yer impatient. Besides, what're the odds Finn's already found somethin'?

Let's hurry just in case. I don't wanna listen to him complainin' if he has trouble findin' us.

Edited 2016-03-12 05:28 (UTC)

Yes, and p-perhaps I'd have been more inclined to t-take your advice if it weren't entirely ridiculous.

[ Expecting Valmont to do some work for a change? Yeah, that's the ridiculous thing about this situation. ]

Right, b-back to work, you two.

[ Don't mind him, he's just going to supervise from over here. While standing very, very still. ]

[Grumbling as he keeps working. At one point, he hefts a ball of snow in one claw like he's judging its weight and glances over at Valmont with a look of mischief.]

Chow, put it down. We ain't gettin' into no snowball fight when we ain't got nowhere to go to warm up.

[ Oddly enough, despite his self-proclaimed role as snow pile supervisor, Valmont hasn't been watching all that closely. He's been sort of spacing out, in fact, which is easy to do when you don't have much to look at apart from snow and more snow. So while he doesn't immediately realize what Chow's up to, Ratso's admonition makes him take notice in a hurry.

Oh no. He knows that look on Chow's face. Granted, he's not used to seeing it on a chicken, but either way, he doesn't like it one bit. ]

Don't you d-dare!

[ You know you're just encouraging him, V. ]

[Maybe if Valmont hadn't reacted so amusingly, he'd have listened to Ratso...but now this is funny.]

Awww, one little snowball ain't gonna hurt nothin'...

I'm tellin' ya, quit it.

[ HOW IS THIS AT ALL FUNNY ]

Chow, I am warning you!

[ There you have it, Chow. Listen to these perfectly legitimate voices of reason, or ignore them and straight-up smack your ex-boss in the face with a snowball. The choice is yours. ]

Warnin' me what, ya'll hiss at me?

[Excuse Ratso while he just. Facepaws. Keeping Chow's terrible sense of humor in check was a lot easier when he was bigger than him.]

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