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the enforcers

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WHO: The Dark Hand Enforcers and anyone running into a trio of weirdos.
WHAT: Finding out they've been abducted and turned into weird creatures. So, Tuesday for them.
WHEN: First day.
WHERE: Out in the cold.
WARNINGS: Probable language, but likely not much else.

[What do most people do when they wake up in an unfamiliar place, as something they weren't a moment ago? Probably scream and panic. But no, that's not what the Enforcers do. In fact, at first none of them say a word, just looking each other over and noting the extreme variation in what they've become. That is, until the cold settles in and Finn realizes that he feels colder than he ever has before, even in the arctic.]

Brrr-rr-rr-rr! G-guys, i-is it just me, or are we in the d-d-deep freeze of o-our lives?

[The other two share a glance before Chow shrugs and adjusts his sunglasses.]

Kinda chilly, but I wouldn't say it's a deep freeze. Sure ya didn't just get yer feathers wet flopped in the snow?

I dunno, I wouldn't go as far as Finn, but it is pretty cold out here. Maybe we oughta find somewhere outta the snow so's we can warm up.

Seconded, motion p-p-passed, come on you l-losers, w-w-we're findin' a cave or s-s-something.

[And so the trio heads out, a Murkrow and Shiny Rattata huddled together for warmth while an all black Combusken follows behind, shaking his head. A cave shouldn't be hard to find, right? And the odds of them stumbling over something (or someone) to delay their search are practically nill! ...Right?]

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I most certainly was n-not. I think I would remember -

[ ...After they did what now? ]

Oh, all right, very f-funny. I've t-told you, it wasn't my fault that I d-didn't have the chance to liberate the Talismans when I was there. You're q-quite welcome to visit the netherworld and t-take it up with Shendu, if you'd like.

[Excuse them while they stop piling snow for a second to share a concerned glance.]

You don't think...

Kinda sounds like it. Hey, uh, Valmont...when was the last time you saw us?

How long...?

[ There's a moment's pause in which Valmont tries to count the past few days on his fingers. It's a lot harder when you only have six. ]

About a week ago, I s-suppose. When you lot d-decided you'd rather l-leave me to drown in a citywide flood than actually do s-something useful about it - thank you ever so much for that, b-by the way, I had to go to the Chans for help and th-they were complete rubbish.

Hey, ya know we would'a brought ya with us if we could! But there wasn't nothin' we could do, we ain't no wizards! Anyways, that was what...

Some two years ago or somethin'? Back when we was still all together.

Two y-years?

[ It's not as though Valmont's a complete stranger to weird time shenanigans. But he's only experienced them once, and only peripherally. It takes him a minute to process this.

Once he's past the initial weirdness, though... Well, it wouldn't be accurate to say it makes sense, but it doesn't make any less sense than waking up as an unfamiliar animal in the middle of a frozen wasteland, at any rate. Why the hell shouldn't time travel be thrown in there too? No, the more troubling issue is that last sentence of Ratso's. He doesn't like the implication hanging over it. ]

What exactly do you m-mean by "still" t-together?

[Another worried glance.]

Maybe we oughta wait fer Finn ta get back.

Yeah, bet he could explain it better than us.

[Or maybe he doesn't want to explain personally.]

N-now hold on a - you can't just bring that s-sort of thing up and n-not explain what you meant by it!

[ You'd better get back soon, Finn. Valmont's going to become increasingly worried about this until he gets some actual answers. ]

Awright, short version is, some shit happened an' we got split up. Ya can get the details later, I ain't gonna go havin' ta explain ta Finn how much we explained ta you.

Language.

[ It's even more automatic this time; Valmont barely seems to have noticed himself saying it. He's a little preoccupied. ]

All right, f-fine, then, c-carry on with your bloody snow pile, why don't you. But he'd better h-hurry up getting back!

[ Sulk sulk, worry worry. ]

[There's another practically audible eye roll as he ignores the chastisement and goes back to piling snow.]

It's Finn, you can bet he's gonna be racin' his tail ta find what he's after.

'Speacially in this cold. Brr-rr-rr.

Edited 2016-02-25 04:27 (UTC)

[ Sigh. He knows Chow's never actually going to watch his language, but he feels he has to say it anyway.

So. Waiting. Left to his own devices, Valmont does what he always does when he's waiting and worried: he paces. And the more worried he is, the faster the pacing, which means that it's not too long before he's worn a pretty deep rut in the snow. It might help if he had something to do to take his mind off said agitation, like, say, actually helping with this snow piling project, but this doesn't occur to him. Ideas that would benefit people other than himself rarely do. He does occasionally look over and judge, though. ]

Are you d-done yet?

[ They are almost certainly not done. ]

Work in' on it.

If yer in such a hurry, ya could come over here an' lend a hand.

[ Being addressed this casually makes a little more sense now that he knows his employees don't actually consider themselves his employees anymore, but only a little. Chow's sort of always been like that. Having a reason doesn't stop it from getting on his nerves, though. ]

Don't be s-stupid. I'm n-not going to lower myself to doing manual labor. And I'm not s-sure if you can even p-properly refer to these as hands.

[ He examines his weird leafy fingers with an expression of extreme doubt. ]

Call 'em what ya want, they're more hand-like than what I got. The hell kinda rooster has claws, anyway?

And pilin' snow's gotta beat pacin' yer way to a snowy burial.

Come on Chow, you ain't even trying to watch your language.

Edited 2016-02-26 05:19 (UTC)

Hm?

[ Valmont looks down. Oh. He's... somehow managed to pace himself a snow rut several inches deep, which is more impressive than it would ordinarily sound, given the current size of his legs. He'd thought his lower half felt a bit chillier than before, come to that.

...It occurs to him that he might have some trouble getting out.

All right. He can do this. If he can just raise one leg high enough to step out... which he can't, apparently, he determines after several failed attempts, they're just too short. Well. Maybe if he tries jumping...

(We might be here a while.) ]

Oh fer cryin' out loud...

[No, he doesn't have the patience for this. Valmont, hold still while he picks you up out of that rut.]

What are you - let me go!

[ Asking Valmont to hold still at this point might be a pretty tall order. No sooner has Chow picked him up than he's struggling, as much as he can with those stubby snake limbs, to escape his former employee's grip. The indignity. The sheer, utter indignity. ]

You wanna fall on that stumpy tail'a yers? Keep squirmin'.

It's not stumpy!

[ Not that he's defending the tail itself, per se. It's just his default reaction to the allegation that any part of him might be less than perfect. ]

P-put me down, damn it, I am a grown man - !

[ Coming from a tiny squirming snake dangling a foot off the ground, this assertion might sound just slightly ridiculous. ]

Edited 2016-02-27 06:31 (UTC)

Language, Valmont.

[Yes, he is fully aware of the hypocrisy. He's not even really chiding, it's clear he's just being a brat. But that's Chow for you. He does, at least, put Valmont down.]

And settle, I was just helpin' ya outta that ditch ya dug yerself.

[ The irony isn't lost on Valmont, a fact which, of course, infuriates him even further. His struggling intensifies as he sputters: ]

Shut up - !

[ - Oh. Well. And suddenly here he is, back on solid (if snowy) ground. It's... possible, in hindsight, that not all those hysterics may have been entirely warranted. ]

...I knew that.

[ This is where he would normally straighten his tie, brush himself off and pretend he wasn't just making a complete fool of himself. He has to content himself with the latter two, but he does them with admirable dedication. ]

[Guess who's snickering shamelessly? Sorry, he remembers that flailing and making a fool of yourself.]

Sure ya did. An' that's why ya were squirmin' like I lit yer tail on fire, right?

[Hope you weren't looking to Ratso for help with your dignity, Valmont. He's pretty clearly trying not to laugh.]

[ No he doesn't, he definitely doesn't remember anything, shut up. ]

Now s-see here, just b-because you don't think you work for me anymore does not give you c-carte blanche to make fun of me whenever you f-feel like it!

[ That's directed at both of you, Ratso. It's... also conveniently not any sort of denial, whoops. ]

[Holding his paws up like he has no clue why you're looking at him. Though he can't quite keep his face straight.]

I didn't say nothin'.

Like we didn't poke fun at ya now an' then while we were workin' fer ya.

[ Ratso's just going to get a flat stare in return. You're on thin ice, mister. So to speak. ]

As I recall, you had the d-decency to be s-s-slightly less overt about it.

[ But only slightly. ]